The Eyes Have It

Ever noticed someone's eyes darting around like they're watching a silent film? Those little eye movements aren't just random flicks - they're actually a fascinating window into how people think.

The Lightbulb Moment

When I first began coaching, I thought I was nailing it by maintaining steady eye contact with my clients. Oh, how wrong I was! Those shifting eyes I interpreted as nervousness or distraction were actually revealing their thinking patterns. It was like discovering a secret language hidden in plain sight.

Decoding the Dance: A Map of Eye Movements

Think of your client's face as a TV screen and their eyes as the remote control. Each direction reveals a different channel of thinking:

Looking Up: The Visual Zone

• Up and to the right: They're creating new images in their mind

  • Try asking: "Picture your ideal holiday destination..."

  • Watch how they construct that beach scene or mountain vista

• Up and to the left: They're remembering something they've seen

  • Perfect for: "What colour was your first car?"

  • Or: "Describe the view from your childhood bedroom"

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Looking Side to Side: The Auditory Centre

When people look side to side, they're literally tuning into their internal soundscape.

• To the right: They're creating new sounds or dialogue

  • Ask: "How would you like your boss to speak to you?"

  • Or: "What would your perfect acceptance speech sound like?"

• To the left: They're remembering sounds or conversations

  • Try: "What's your favourite song from school?"

  • Or: "What did your best friend say in that important moment?"

    
    

Looking Down: The Feeling Zone

• Down and to the right: They're accessing emotions

  • Perfect for: "How did that achievement make you feel?"

  • Or: "What's your gut telling you about this opportunity?"

• Down and to the left: They're having an internal dialogue

  • Ask: "What are you telling yourself about this situation?"

  • Or: "What's your inner voice saying right now?"

    
    

Important Notes for the Curious

• Left-handed? Plot twist! These patterns might be reversed for left-handed people

• Cultural Considerations: Eye movements can vary across cultures - what's true in Birmingham might not be true in Beijing

• Individual Differences: Everyone has their unique patterns - treat this as a guide, not gospel

  
  

Putting It Into Practice: A 5-Minute Exercise

Try this simple exercise with a friend (no need to tell them what you're doing!):

1. Ask them about their last holiday

2. Notice their eye movements when they describe:

   • What they saw (usually up)

   • The sounds they remember (usually side to side)

   • How they felt (usually down)

3. Match your follow-up questions to their preferred direction

   
   

Real-Life Magic: When Theory Meets Practice

Last week, I noticed a coachee consistently looking up and to the right while discussing career changes. Instead of my usual "How do you feel about that?", I asked, "What does your ideal workday look like?" The shift was remarkable - suddenly, they painted a vivid picture of their dream job, complete with details they hadn't accessed before. All because I matched their visual thinking style!

Common Pitfalls to Avoid

• Don't stare intensely at people's eyes - that's just creepy

• Avoid jumping to conclusions too quickly

• Don't force patterns that aren't there

• Remember this is one tool in your toolkit, not the whole toolbox

  
  

Your Turn to Explore

Start noticing eye movements in your everyday conversations. You might be surprised at how much more you understand about how people think. Remember, this isn't about manipulation - it's about connecting more deeply and communicating more effectively.

The eyes might be the window to the soul, but they're also a map to someone's thinking. Ready to start reading that map?